Ugh.

I don’t think anyone understands what I’m looking for in terms of my main character Jessalyn. She’s the type of character who is introverted, anxious and afraid to show her true colors to those around her. Maybe I should start thinking more about the quirks she hides the most though. That might be a good enough start there, don’t you think? I also forgot to mention too that she’s autistic.

Anyway, we had a lot to do today. My dad finally got his pension check as well, so we did a few shopping things. I got a cute sloth with bunny ears, and I named him Flash after the sloth from Zootopia! I also got a bunch of coloring books from the dollar store as well, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to color in all of them. >< I also can’t wait until I can get my laptop squared away either. I don’t like using my dad’s desktop to work. x____x

So…

I ended up not going to the ren fair today. I just didn’t want to deal with the mental exhaustion that comes with it. I don’t see why I have to go each day, especially when all my mom and I do is see the same joust everyday. I love supporting Max and everything as well, but well… read what I explained in my previous entry. I just hope he’s not upset with me for not going today.

I think one reason I didn’t go was to see what Max would do though. Because as I said, he hasn’t been treating me like I’m special. It makes me really sad, but I guess it’s just kind of natural. I don’t know. I mean, I adore him to pieces because he’s a really nice guy… it’s just that it makes me wonder if I’m just annoying him now. Maybe that’s why I’m not special to him anymore.

Keep in mind that I get paranoid a lot because of my anxiety too. I’m probably just getting too worked up. *shrug* Anyway, I FINALLY FOUND BOOK ONE OF MY KINGDOM KEEPERS SERIES THOUGH!!! My mom found the missing book three on a bookshelf that I had random shit on or something. I didn’t even see it there, but then I must not have been looking very hard either.

I really want to do some writing though. I should be reading my book, but I can’t find a place to do it where I’m not going to be distracted. Plus, I don’t like to go to new places because of routine and sameness. No matter where I seem to go, I’ll probably run into heavy distractions. It’s the joy of having ADHD, amirite? lol